I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
