Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
