He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
