Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
