I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize