I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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