I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
