he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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