I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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