Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
