Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
never play flip cup with pint glasses
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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