We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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