its not stalking. its research.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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