I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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