I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
