mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
