Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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