Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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