He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize