I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
