Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He shit in the fireplace
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