I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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