I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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