meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
