I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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