I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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