Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
