First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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