I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There r osticjed everywhere
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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