I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
