Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
