we made out on top of his cat.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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