This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont even know how to be here
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize