Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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