Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
