You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
