i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
