You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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