What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize