apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
