All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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