he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
