Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize