yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
