I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
