She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize