I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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