My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
