ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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