you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
