shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
