so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You are a genius and a whore.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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