Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
