if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
