It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
