atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
