found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Im part way to drunk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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