i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
