remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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