im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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