ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
