so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize