Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
