Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I lost the right to judge tonight
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
