I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
